Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
