Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
