yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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