i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
