I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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