What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
