all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
