Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
