Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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