apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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