I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
