My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
