16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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