I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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