I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
