u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
