I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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