At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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