I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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