everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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