i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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