I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
