Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
false alarm, still single
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
