You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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