my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
