You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
