dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
