apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
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No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
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After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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