I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
