I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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