i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
