I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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