What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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