regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
