so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
