my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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