I CAN MOONWALK!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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