He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
