They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
40s are totally the cure
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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