I need to stop coming to work sober
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
