Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
