u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
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I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
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He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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