I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
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My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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