I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
