I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
