i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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