Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
