I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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