You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just had sex on a roof
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
