Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
