worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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