I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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