She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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