i just wanna soil my oats bro
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
