I like my sex mixed with concussions.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize