Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
