drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
