It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
