Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
